I wanted a girl…
There you go I said it, this is something that weighs on my mind a lot. I would never trade my 3 little boys for the world but, of course, I wanted a daughter. So please stop asking!
When we made the choice to have our third child we knew that there was only 50% chance that we were going to get ourselves a little girl. In any case, we always knew that we wanted to have three children no matter the gender. When we found out we were expecting our third child and shared the news with our friends and family so began the comments: “Going for the girl?”, “I hope you get your girl!”, “Are you wishing for a girl?”, and the list could go on. Even my two little boys were hoping for a little sister, they would talk to my belly daily and even called the baby “sister”.
I was trying my best to stay neutral on the topic. At this point, my only concern was having a healthy baby, and finding respite from the morning sickness.
My pregnancy was nothing like my other two. I was “as sick as a dog”, craving sweets, and horribly moody, all old wives tales that would lean towards me having a girl.
Bring on the day of our gender reveal 3D ultrasound.
My husband and our two boys walked over to the local 3D ultrasound clinic with me, and we happily chatted about our predictions. I myself felt that we were going to be having our third boy (leaving enough for Poppa to have his golfing foursome), whereas my husband and boys were convinced that they had their little sister.
When we were in the dimly lit examination room, listening to the soft soothing music, the boys watched the big screen as the image appeared; and, the moment of truth!
IT’S A BOY!
My oldest son looked at the technician and said: “No, it’s a GIRL!”
“Who told you that? It is a boy,” she replied.
And then began the waterworks.
I spent most of the afternoon trying to explain to my oldest son that I wasn’t able to change the gender of the baby to make it into a sister, that I knew it wasn’t fair that his Auntie just had a baby girl, and that I knew that he already had a brother. It was an emotional rollercoaster in my house as I tried to hold it together for my son.
Later that night when I had my boys in bed I drew myself a bath. I finally had some time to be alone with my thoughts. As I lay there soaking in the warm water surrounded by bubbles I closed my eyes, and my mind wandered. My dreams of tea parties, princess dresses, and Mommy & Daughter manicures & pedicures had vanished in that one moment. As I agonized over what could have been, the little baby in my womb gave me a swift kick to the ribs and my mind quickly switched to the moments to come. All the wrestling matches, bike rides, soccer games, campouts, digging for worms, skipping rocks, and the bonds of brotherhood.
As we crawled into bed that night my husband looked at me with a smile and said, “So, three boys.”
My life may be dirty, loud and pretty crazy but truth be told, I wouldn’t have it any other way.